The mean man

BASE or sordid Parsimony, is a desire to save or spare expence without measure of discretion. Basely parsimonious he is, who being with his feast-companions doth exact and stand upon a farthing as strictly, as if it were a quarters rent of his house; and telleth how many drinking cups are taken out, as if he were jealous of some Leger-demain; one of all the company that offereth the leanest sacrifice to Diana. Now what expence soever he is at, he proclaimeth and aggravateth it, as a great disbursement. If any of his servants breake but a pitcher, or an earthen pot, he defalketh it out of their wages. If his wife loose but a Trevet, the Beacons are on fire: hee will tosse, turmoil, and ransack every corner in the house; beds, bedsteds, nothing must be spared; He selleth at such rates, that no man can do good upon it. No man may borrow any thing of him; scantly light a stick of fire, for feare of setting his house on fire, not part with so much as a rotten fig, or a withered olive. Every day he surveighs his grounds and the buttals therof, lest there be any encroaching, or any thing removed. If any debtor miss his day but a minute, hee is sure to pay soundly for forbearance; besides usury upon usury, if he continue it. If he invite any, he entertains them so as they rise hungry: and when he goes abroad, if he can scape scottfree, he comes fasting home. He chargeth his wife, that she lend out no salt, oyle, meale or the like: for you little think, saith he, what these come to in a year. In a word, you shall see their Chests mouldy, their keys rusty, for themselves, their habit and diet is always too little for them and out of fashion. Small troughs wherein they annoint themselves: their heads shaven, to save barbing: their shoes they put off at noon days, to save wearing: they deal with the Fullers, when they make clean their clothes, to put in good store of Fullers earth, to keep them from soil and spotting.

Petty parsimony