The complaisant man  

SMOOTHNESS, or fawning, if we should define it, is an encounter containing many allurements to pleasure; and those (for the most part) not more honest then they should be. But a sleek stone or Smooth-boot (as we terme him) is he, that saluteth a man as farre off, as his eye can carry level; stileth him Most worthy; admireth his fortune; and taking him by both the hands, detaineth him, not suffering him to pass. But having a while accompanied him, is very inquisitive when he shall see him again; embroidering and painting out his praise. The same being chosen an Arbitrator, endevoureth not only to content him on whose behalfe he is chosen, but the adverse part likewise, that so he may be held an indifferent friend to them both. He maintaineth, when strangers speak wiser and juster things than his own fellow Citizens. Being invited to a feast, he entreateth the master of the entertainment to send in for his children: and when they are come, he swears they resemble their father, as near as one figg doth another. Then calling them to him, he kisseth them, and setteth them by him: and Jesting with others of the company, saith he, Compare them with the father, they are as like him, as an apple is like an oyster. Hee will suffer others sleeping to rest in his bosom, when he is loden with a sore burden. He trimmeth himselfe often: he keepeth his teeth clean and white: changeth and Turkizeth his clothes. His walk is commonly in that part, where the Goldsmiths' and Bankers' tables are: and useth those places of activity where young youths do exercise themselves. At shews and in the Theaters, he placeth himself next the Praetors; but in the Courts of Justice he seldom appears. But he buys presents, to send to his friend at Byzantium. Little dogges, and Hymettian honey he sends to Rhodes: and he tells his fellow-Citizens that he doth these things. Besides, he keeps an Ape at home; buyes a Satyr, and Sicilian Doves; and boxes of Treacle, of those which are of a round form; and slaves, those that are som what bending and oblique, brought from Lacedaemon; and Tapistry, wherein the Persians are woven and set out. He hath a little yard, gravelled, fit for wrestling; and a Tennis Court. And these parts of his house, his maner is to offer your present unto any he meets, whether Philosopher or Sophister, or those which exercise themselves in Arms, or Musick, that they may use their cunning: which while they do, he speaks to one of the lookers on, as if he were but a meer Spectator himselfe, saith: I pray you, whose wrestling place is this?

Eccentric tricks