How to curry favour

FLATTERY may be sayd to be a foul deformed custom in common life, making for the advantage of the Flatterer. A Flatterer is such a one, as if he walk or converse with you, will thus say unto you: Do you observe, how all men's eyes are upon you? I have not noted any in this Town, to be so much beheld. Yesterday in the Gallery you had reason to be proud of your reputation. For there being at that time assembled more then thirty persons, and question being made which should be the worthiest Citizen; the company being very impatient it should be disputed, concluded all upon you. These and such like he putteth upon him. If there be the least mote upon his clothes, or if there should be none, he maketh a shew to take it off: or if any small straw or feather be gotten into his locks, the Flatterer taketh it away; and smiling saith, you are grown gray within these few dayes for want of my company, and yet your hair is naturally as black as any man of your years. If he reply, the Flatterer proclaimeth silence, praiseth him palpably and profusely to his face. When he hath spoken, he breaketh out into an exclamation,with a O well spoken! And if he break a jest upon any, the Flatterer laughs as if he were tickled; muffling himself in his cloak, as if he could not possibly forbear. As he meeteth any, he plaieth the Gentleman-usher, praying them to give way; as if his Patron were a very great person. He buys pears and apples, and bears them home to his children, and gives them (for the most part) in his presence: and kissing them, crieth out, O the worthy Father's lively picture! If he buy a shoe, if he be present, he swears his foot is far handsomer, and that the shoe mis-shapes it. If at any time he should repair to visit a friend, the Flatterer plays the Herbinger; runs before, and advertiseth them of his coming: and speedily returning back again, telleth him that he hath given them notice thereof. What soever belongeth to the women's Academy, as paintings, preservings, needle-works, and such like; he discourseth of them like my Lady's woman. Of all the guests, he first commends the wine, and always sitting by his Ingle, courts him; asking him how sparingly he feeds, and how he bridles it: and taking some speciall dish from the Table, taketh occasion to commend it. He is busy and full of questions; whether this man be not cold; why he goes so thinne; and why he will not go better cloth'd? Then he whispers in his Patron's ear: and, while others speak; his eye is still upon him. At the Theater, taking the cushions from the boy, he setteth them up himself: he commendeth the situation and building of the house; the well tilling and husbanding of the ground. In conclusion, you shall alwayes note a flatterer to speak and do, what he presumeth will be most pleasing and agreeable.

Want of tact